Two fine fellows are sitting next to each other on a bench. They were having a very spirited exchange, which I overheard and then ran home to type up as quickly and as accurately as possible:
“So you’re telling me football, the game of football, is far superior to baseball?”
“Yep. Let’s just talk the half time at a Super Bowl… I rest my case!”
“Are you kidding? How many baseball players are suing the MLB for concussions?”
“That’s like tossing a spitball at a destroyer, buddy. Football players are well protected by padding and rules… Oh, and no one in football throws a hard round pellet at someone else unless he hope he catches it!”
“You’re kidding. I mean, pigskin? Really? And a guy leans over another’s guy’s back end and takes the pigskin from him? Now that’s real class! Then, if he doesn’t get rid of the pigskin fast enough, one or more often very large other men throw him to the ground. There’s real class!”
(There was a brief pause…. The football guy looked at the baseball guy)
“Who do you think has more average attendance? Football is way ahead!”
“Come on, football has a handful of games compared to baseball!”
“Rationalize it all you want, but cheer leaders trump some baritone on a microphone!”
“Baritone on a microphone?”
“Yeah, baseball always has some deep voiced announcer who talks over a sound system to the whole stadium… Really, baseball is a snooooooozer! It’s so damn slow! So slow!”
“Right, right…. And the seventh inning stretch. Now there’s a real stupid tradition don’t you think? People putting their arms around each other, singing and swaying…”
“Oh man. You’re lost. Look, one game a week is interesting. Time to study the team, time to prep, time to strategize… Not 162 games and then some!”
“A game a day and some times two. More the merrier chump!”
“Pay dirt!”
“Going home!”
“Open field!”
“Batter up!”
“Brev Favre! Vince Lombardi! Jim Brady!”
“Babe Ruth! Jackie Robinson! Joltin’ Joe Dimaggio!”
There was another pause. Once again the football guy looked at the baseball guy.
“Ahhhh, yer hope less…”
“Ok, I will grant you this….Howard Cosell was a really good football announcer…”
“Great. For me, it’s time to tail gate. Have fun with a mitt on your head!”
With that the football guy got up and walked off.
The other gentleman was laughing. “Quitter!” he yelled, as he watched his friend fade down the walk way.
The football guy turned around and said “Hike!” Then resumed his stroll into the remainder of the afternoon
Later that afternoon the baseball guy went to the park, got some peanuts, a beer and settled in.
